Me vs Me

Today was the Brio 25K race in Kailua.

Started off with the alarm going off at this crazy hour- 

Yesterday’s packet pickup- we got these cute shirts.  I like that they’re regular cotton- I’m starting to collect way too many dri-fit shirts and I only wear very few of those anyway to run in.  At least I can wear these cute cotton ones on the weekends.  Yes, my wardrobe consists of shorts and race shirts lately…..

This is the brio ice cream tent.  After the race you can choose from these flavors.  I had mango and it was pretty good.

These were the medals and plaques for people who placed (definitely not for me! Ha!) 

The race started at 5:30 am, temperature was about 76-77 degrees, low humidity (for Kailua at least- still enough humidity in the air though), with gusty winds that blew my hat away at least two times.

The start was a little “off”.  We all got the timing chip anklets but there was no “step” at the starting line to set off the timing chip.  So we all started wondering when we would actually start but people were already running so we just went along with it.  I have no idea how the run started.  

First part was going up and down up and down Lanikai.  So beautiful and it was a great run.  I loved the rolling hills because it was at the initial stage and I was feeling quite good. 

Physically, I knew I couldn’t do the full 15 miles today.  So my strategy was to take the first five miles easy.  Then I was going to speed up in the second part- from mile 5-10.  Then I was going to run/walk from mile 10-15. 

Seems reasonable right? 

If it only worked…… ha! 

I knew the battle wasn’t against my physical strength by mile 7-8.  It was my mental strength that needs training.

I never ran outside with just my sports bra.  But today, I did.  It wasn’t cuz of the heat cuz the tank top is barely there- the Brooks tank top that’s very airy and light.  

It was the smell of my own sweat, other people’s sweat, and just basically my own sweaty smell got me nauseous.  I am sooooo afraid of reliving that one race a year ago- in Kailua, the Freedom Run 10k.  It was just a 10k but back then, it was a long run for me.  And the heat and dehydration got the worst of me and I nearly collapsed at the finish line, dry heaving, feeling crappy for the next hour or so.  

I hated that feeling and ever since then, I get weak- the moment I smell something, I get nauseous.  And then I get scared.  So I stop.  Running 7-8 miles is easy for me normally and even going up to 12 miles, I have no problem. Usually. 

But for some reason, during these races, I get so scared and I just lose against my own fear. 

Basically, after 7-8 miles, I walked.  Then I took my tank top off and it helped. But by that time, I was pretty much done.  So I speed walked.  Which kinda hurt more than running lightly…

I should’ve kept on going- I should’ve taken off my tank top from the beginning before the fear kicked in- I should’ve done a lot of things to have a better run today. 

It’s all should’ve would’ve could’ve.

Oh, I don’t think this gentleman will ever come across this blog but I want to thank him- this man was amazing.  He had ice cold watermelons and he was handing them out- then he would get on his road bike and go a little further and then hand them out again.  I got to eat twice! 

We have a 30k race in three weeks.  That’s two more weekends to train long distance before this 30K.  Then in three more weeks, it will be the last half marathon race before the actual marathon.

During my run today, I seriously doubted myself.  How on earth am I going to run a 30K in three weeks, and then a full marathon in two months?! 

I just don’t know how to overcome my own mental weakness.  It’s definitely something I have to work on.  Physically, I can train and get stronger and I know how to.  But how do you get mentally strong???

Shot of this morning’s Lanikai beach. Kinda gloomy/cloudy/ windy.  But the water was very aqua blue and pretty!

Breakfast after the race at our favorite place: 



Since you know…. burning over 1000 calories is hard work! The coco puff is amazing.  (I only had one.) 

Later, we had a full day of fun at the Youth Day at the state capitol.  

Lots of walking-  not the brightest idea after a long run. 

We got a whole lot of plants, flower arrangements, gadgets, and stuff for free.   Next year- let’s just hope it’s not on the same day as the race! 

2 thoughts on “Me vs Me

  1. oh Eri, I’m sorry to read that you had a tough race. I’m all about running in a sports bra, but I understand the hesitation. I have never heard of getting nauseous from your own smell, but I definitely know how other people’s smell can gross me out…Good for you for sticking with it.

    My only advice is to keep trying- eventually you’ll get over the ‘fear’ from your rough 10k and realize that you are strong and well-trained. So much of racing is mental and its definitely a challenge for a lot of us. You still have two months until your marathon- that’s PLENTY of time. Don’t get down on yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Jessie-
      I’m usually afraid of burning if I don’t have a shirt/tank top on aaaaand I totally forgot to slather on sunscreen before the race too so I felt really bad for taking it off but I had to. Immediately after I took it off, I thought of you and your sister (referring to your blog post from before).
      I will keep on going! I will keep on training! I won’t quit!!


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